The mindset throughout the production of Kid Kontrol: Getting Back To Healthy Parent Power Over Your Very Contrary Kid has been to supportively offer parents a step-by-step, practical approach to the oppositional kid that is a balance of accountability and advantage to every member of the family. The K in Kid Kontrol as used in the title is to recognize the intense feelings of futility, fear, sadness and even rage that may be experienced by parents and kids within a power struggle. Kid Kontrol has been concisely written to assist parents with kids out of control, and to provide specific methods in answering the frustrated plea: "We've tried everything! What can we do if our kids just won't mind anything we tell them?" The answer is a system that compares three strategically defined behavioral consequences with twenty "legal" but less effective assigned consequences, then adds accountability, authority and "muscle" to a precision application of the parent's "refusal response." This system does not ignore the interplay of positive responses, other useful behavioral leadership and the frequently necessary relationship repair. When parents and kids have been at cross-purposes for too long, this can evolve to a climate of bringing out the worst in each other. Specific techniques are presented with the objective of diffusing the intensity of clashes, and the essential purpose of Kid Kontrol is to regain legitimate, necessary and moderate control, gradually and systematically over time. Too little parental control and influence may amount to a kid making choices he is not prepared to make. On the other hand, too much enforcement is sometimes the basis for the defiant and falsely independant kid's oppositional reaction. We cannot reasonably parent by permission. We cannot set reasonable limits only if our kids consent to them. This system has been methodically "road-tested" over several years to address the problem of kids dangerously out of control and, although it may be utilized to prevent children in becoming characteristically oppositional, its real effectiveness is in using proven principles to forge a cost-reward connection. A connection that is dependent on the relative effectiveness of your kid's choices. Using this system gradually shapes people of all ages, from toddlers to adulthood, producing greater growth and well-being. Kid Kontrol does not neglect little kids. The practical result has been that the sooner the procedures are put in place, the easier, safer and more effective they become. There will then be effective disciplinary tools for as long as kids are actually kids, until they become fully independent and making good decisions for themselves.

Within the larger objective of reclaiming legitimate authority, parents will need specific methods and concepts:

• Raising kids is about leadership, and there are a few cornerstone concepts that make the objectives easier, not necessarily easy, but that reduce the level of confusion and increase parental effectiveness.
  

• Parents will want to know about different kinds of help for the seriously disturbed kid, but the methods for avoiding "meltdown," and for reconnecting one's son or daughter with necessary authority will continue to be important. Choosing a potentially effective treatment program, as well as other treatment issues, are examined. Also included are the methods for carefully choosing the battles for which we will take a stand. To attempt too much change at once usually causes overload similar to a blown fuse and simply feeds the power struggle.
  

• One parental objective is to instill the very appealing reality that when young people make better choices they then have more choices. Another objective is to learn how to shift more responsibility away from parental micromanagement to our kid's self-management.
  

• Parents will learn how to recognize and use every opportunity to nourish and strengthen any improved conduct.
  

• Cause and effect or Cost-reward outcome will be attached to either misbehavior or improved behavior with precision and with encouraging success. The simple yet "polished" set of consequences for misconduct is the heart of Kid Kontrol.
  

• Kid Kontrol identifies child-rearing errors that are unacceptably costly when trying to remedy dangerously oppositional behavior. The parent's guilty, compensatory feelings, whether new or old, can produce parental paralysis, effectively tying one's hands.
  

• Setting down clear expectations is facilitated by a suggested set of House Rules that are less confusing yet are adaptable to any healthy home atmosphere.
  

• The more informed parent is the more effective parent! Tips are discussed that assist parents in the smart ways to gather necessary intelligence. Some kinds of checking, investigating, listening, asking questions, getting help from the "neighborhood," being sensitive to an array of destructive influences; these are just a few topics for Working Smarter Not Harder. Ways of being dialed in to a child's school, and the reasons why this is so essential are presented. "Grade Consciousness," issues of homework, school violence, bullying, specific learning disabilities, are just a few concerns for which parents will need to have their ear to the ground. Monitoring kid's exposure to the media: Internet, television, movies, music, is a major contribution. We need to regulate information for our kids until certain that they are doing a good job of this for themselves.
  

• With the objective of regaining and maintaining legitimate parental authority, the reader will want to assess potential sexual abuse, early sexualization, teen sexuality, substance abuse, gang involvement, other protective efforts and other "heads-up" intelligence. Regulating toxic "friends" is necessary if our kids aren't doing it very well. Help is available in the form of "Parent Extenders."
  

• Family Interventions and Behavioral contracting are necessary techniques. "Story Telling" for helping little kids with their feelings is explained. Most kids, throughout their development, will need help with managing their emotions.
  

• Parents may be amused when following the suggestions for dispute arbitration in dealing with so-called sibling rivalry. Still lighter topics include Taking The Clash Out Of Clutter, budget issues, "allowance," delayed gratification, matching funds and sharing chores.
  

• A more serious issue is the discussion of blended families; putting "his" and "her" children together for a different family system. There is very little in human experience that is more difficult than a new marriage of divorced or widowed parents who bring two sets of children to a single home, which may even include "our" kid before this total adjustment has the right kind of resolution.
  

The reader will find delivery tips for more satisfying communication, all with an eye toward sparing precious parental energy. After all, we were here first!